


Do Not Let Go

by Marmidotte



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Unrequited Love, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:50:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8570443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmidotte/pseuds/Marmidotte
Summary: James is in love. But the people he is in love with must never ever know.





	

**Author's Note:**

> All right, folks: this is a story that begins canon, but goes AU. No special powers, no special things, but I took a bit of liberty from what we know of James's past. Also, flipping HEED THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!

Robbie had sent his DS on a "personal time" afternoon to the retirement home were his father was because James had said something about settling things once and for all with his sister. They are in the middle of a case but with Lizzie's help he reckons he can make do for an afternoon. He has had a bit of an Eureka moment, and they go, Lizzie and him, to the same home to arrest a doctor with very few noise. He lets Lizzie caution him and the uniforms bring him to the station. At the moment, he is looking at the house, grounds and persons there with some curiosity. A voice suddenly catches his attention, and he moves closer.

James is not shouting – but then, James does not shout, no even when angry –, rather, he is speaking in a low but forceful voice, angry almost as much at himself than he is at his father. "No, Nell. No. More. He attacked me again, just because I vaguely mentioned that I spent time with men. I did not even say I am attracted to men, or something like that, no..." his voice is tinted with bitterness, "you would think I would have learned from his beatings that I cannot trust him." 

The other voice, who must be Nell, but is not clear enough to be understood, asks something in a worried tone. James answers in clipped tone. "Beatings? Each time I was not first in class, each time I said something he did not like, each time I tried to do or not do something he had views on. Being present at my end of year ceremonies? Only if I was first, and even so..." The other voice adds something. "I know, Nell, I know. But while it is not your fault, I simply cannot. Not any more. I will pay for whatever solution you or the social services decides on, but I will not come again."

The voice seems to agree with him. "Thank you, yes. And you are still welcome in my home, you know." There is a small silence, and a question, and James adds "No, I did not tell him of my actual love life. Nell... I am in love with two people. Two. Can you even imagine how he would have reacted?" a question again. James's voice is strangled. "God, no. No. They have no idea, and they shall never have any. Nell, they are together! Why would they want me, of all people, in addition? No. Things are as they are, and they will stay so. Nell, I have to go now, but call me, all right?" a silence – James probably got hugged by his sister – and "Good bye, Nell."

The footsteps are coming in his direction, and Robbie is not quick enough to hide or make it look like he just arrived. And anyhow, it is not how he does things. But James reaction catches him unaware. "Hello... Sir? No..." and James is running away from him, even paler than usual.

Robbie tries "James! Wait! Please..." but to no avail. The lad is much too quick for him, and his car, parked close to the entrance, shoots away. Robbie can just see James's face as he drives away: ashamed, sad, and covered with tears. He panics. James who always has a blank face is showing far too much feelings. The lad is going to resign and disappear, and he is much to clever to let himself be caught especially once he is outside the country.

He shakes himself. His first call is for Innocent. "Ma'am? I... I need a favour. Please." He does not know if it is his voice and tone that clue Innocent in, or if it is because he almost never asks for a favour, but she agrees not to take James's resignation letter, or at least, not to open it. His second call is for Laura.

"Laura, love... I've... done somethin' stupid. And... we... had it all wrong about James. He is in love with us. I overheard 'im, but he fled when he saw me. I need you to stop him. I'm coming back but if he manages to leave... aye, we won't see him again. Thank you, love. I'll be here as soon as possible."

He gets into his car, sets his blues and twos and hurries back to the station. He leaves is car in front of it, tosses the key to the uniform at the reception desk with a "Please !" and runs all the way to his office. No one there, so next he tries Laura's lair.

* * *

**_A moment earlier_ **

James barely parks his car, gets out of it, speeds into their shared office, and has a resignation letter typed, printed and signed in a few minutes. He picks up what he will need, and steps into the corridor. He tries Innocent's office, but is told she is in a conference call, so he leave his letter with her PA. He is going to leave when Laura arrives and asks him to come to her office for a few minutes about the PM they asked about. Does she know? Did Robbie call her? She does not seem to be aware, so he follows her, intending to appear as normal as possible, and to use it as an excuse to leave by the back door.

They arrive at Laura's office, and she looks at him and suggests "Sit down, James, you look... knackered." But he refuses. "James? What's wrong?"

He tries not to arouse suspicion. "Nothing, just a bit tired." and gestures with his hands. But Laura does not seem to take the hint, and steps closer. Oh, god. She knows, she talked to Robbie, she is disgusted and wants to warn him off. He closes his eyes and painfully says "I... sorry, I have to go." his voice is shaking. No, he is shaking entirely.

Laura catches his arm and does exactly as he showed her – after her scare, being buried, he had taught her a few armlocks, and ways to escape – a textbook movement that puts him on his knees. She has cuffs and he is caught and secured to the desk.

He raises his head defiantly. His voice is pure ice. "I see. You have not mocked me enough, so you are going to keep me here and insult me a bit more? Or warn me off Robbie?" but he is puzzled by Laura's reaction. She looks sad and hurt.

* * *

Robbie hears them before he sees them. The lad has gone from ashamed to furious. He is kneeling – because of the cuffs –, back ramrod straight, head held high. He gulps, even like that James is attractive. Laura has apparently managed to stop him, but she is standing completely rigid besides him. Things not going well, then. Though not worse than before. That he can work with.

He enters Laura's office completely out of breath and has to rest his arms on his legs and stay bent almost in two for a moment before he can speak again. "Bloody hell, lad. Next time, don't get off like that. Me knees can't take that much!"

James is taken aback. That's not at all what he expected to hear. And also, did Robbie follow him?

Robbie takes a big breath and ploughs on. "Why didn't you tell us? We ain't going to bite your head off for something like that. An' even if we did not return your feelings, we wouldn' make you go away or ... or... or punish you, canny lad. What's got into that brain of yours?"

James reaction is so strong that Laura fears for his health for a while, and tries to open the cuffs. He stands, not even noticing he moved the desk because of the strength of his movement. His eyes are wide, his face shows disbelief. He almost shouts his "WHAT? No... nononono, you can't... you can't..." his breathing is so uneven that he cannot talk properly. He sits violently on the floor just as Laura manages to remove the cuffs.

She shoves them forcefully on the desk, kneels down and takes James in her arms. She would like to check his wrist but thinks he might still try to run, so she simply is not going to let go.

Robbie, who has finally gotten his breathing under control, steps forward, squats, and gets both Laura and James into a hug. Slowly, very slowly, the lad's breathing subsides. "I... I don't understand." His voice is so sad, it physically hurts Laura and Robbie.

Laura shifts a bit, making herself more comfortable against James, and begins "The first thing you have to know is that we love you. We are in love with you. Why do you think our relationship keeps stopping and restarting? We have an Hathaway piece missing in it..."

"No, wha?" James is completely gobsmacked. His voice is barely audible.

"Only... we thought you didn't, you weren't interested. In us, I mean. We talked about it, an'... well, apparently, I'm not that good as a copper, at least when it concerns us." Robbie's head is bowed, and his voice is soft, softer than James ever heard him.

James still cannot believe. "But... you are straight!" Laura pats him lightly on the arm.

Robbie has a soft laugh. "Why everyone believes that, I'll never 'now. But... no. I had male lovers, though not while I was wi' Val."

James is blushing. "Oh."

Robbie finally sits down on the floor, relieving his knees with a groan. "Ah. Better. So, soft lad, the only question is... will you try us? Please..."

Laura adds her plea to Robbie's. "We won't hold you to any kind of promise. Just... if you really love us... let us love you back."

James is a bit overwhelmed, but he has just been offered his deepest dream, so he can only answer "Yes. God, yes. Anything, everything." He finally let go, and relaxes. He has Laura leaning on him, Robbie at his back, a strong support, and for a moment, everything is right with life.

Suddenly, James tries to stand, eyes wide and a panicked expression on his face. "My resignation! I gave Innocent my resignation!"

Robbie has a knowing smile. "Did ye, now... m'afraid she is not accepting any resignation today. I wonder why?" he adds with a wink.

Laura looks at him with an amused smile. But it is James' face and look that almost breaks his heart. The lad is looking at him like he is some kind of god with unlimited power.


End file.
